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My husband, Tim, was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic
cancer three days before his 40th birthday. It was like the floor cracked open below me and swallowed me up.
Our kids were four, two, and one. And our life was truly an amazing gift I had been given.
Remembering the time before he left us is sometimes as if I am watching someone else’s life.
When we first got married, I quit my office job and began working a new job from home. Still, I dressed every day as if I were going into the office. Even if there were days I did not see another living soul, I dressed my best.
Tim loved it. He noticed every new shirt or pair of earrings. In the morning, he would come up behind me while I was standing in front of my mirror, put his arms around me, and say, “You look beautiful today.”
He passed 16 months after his diagnosis. The next morning, I got up and I got dressed.
I did not wear black to his funeral. I wore his favorite skirt.
In the days that followed, I felt like I was sitting in a dark room alone. I had a choice to either focus on pain or joy. I chose joy. And it was my clothing and the memories that they were tied to that brought me that joy. I dressed every day for Tim. Some days I would smile as I put on a shirt tied to a specific memory. Like the first night we went out to dinner when we moved to New York City. On other days, I would cry as I put on a dress that reminded me of our trip to Nantucket for our friends wedding the summer before he was diagnosed.
I slept in Tim’s favorite t-shirt that he wore for many nights after he passed.
Clothes are more than just something you put on your body. Clothes tell a story.
Creating outfits is something I’ve always found passion in. It brings me joy, even if it's just part of the little things in life. For me, a good outfit is one of those little things.
Get dressed every day.
Karen Roche, falcon park Founder